2003-04-24 @ 2:07 a.m.

permanent mood:

Psycho vs. psycho. I hope you will understand it. I hope you will know I'm entrapped into the trouble I brought to myself and, I take all the responsibilities. I should realize earlier that all the sweet good things will one day perish to death. Everything is hard to remain and, thorns always tangle the fragile petals. But that's what I have to confront. And I will face it and settle it. No matter who will give me the courage, I'll have the courage and patience myself. I'm learning to look at things in another way by which to tackle it. For what I've been through, it is clear that I must pay for all I have done and all the consequences. I feel painful in my heart yet I must realize it was all my fault. I tried to change a person only to know it was unchangeable. The only way for me is to get wise, and wiser; to keep calm yet not to lose the passion for life; always hold myself and have the upper hand to handle everything. I believe I will.

A dainty flower, which I cultivated elaborately, was what I cherish. I've seen all her beauty and shared all the happiness that I'll not easily gave it up. Yet some thorns will hurt me and sting my hand, I'll still love it and keep it alive for long.

With a suddenly threat, from ecstasy to panic, and now, worried, I've returned to a common state of feelingless. All of a sudden I seem to have so many letters to write. And I need a line to get on line at any time, to write at any time, that's my wish. I must cut off my time for sleeping and do more writing and reading. This is a precious period for me and I do worry about people who's suffering and worrying. It's great disaster I'd never thought of. I should have known it's not a miracle to me to escape from my own anxiety but to worry about the others, the whole nation. I do hope we'll survive the catastrophe.

I think I'll pick up Mrs. Dalloway again tomorrow.

Alice in Chains

FROGS

What does friend mean to you?
A word so wrongfully abused
Are you like me, confused
All included but you
Alone

The sounds of silence often soothe
Shapes and colors shift with mood
Pupils widen and change their hue
Rapid brown avoid clear blue

Why's it have to be this way
Be this way

Flowers watched through wide brown eyes
A child sings an unclaimed tune
Innocence spins cold cocoon
Grow to see the pain too soon

I love this lyric!

Until now, I come to know there's still some effects, some reflection, some reward for my hopeless obsession in the past. I feel grateful!

I miss my Oxford dictionary.