2004-01-24 @ 8:37 p.m.

permanent mood:

I'm exhausted being awake, and tired of being disturbed. I can't help watching movie one after one without sitting down thinking and writing. This tortures me, with too many things in my head all at a time. And those strangers abruptly rushing into my life. Sometime life is too horrible to be plain, and terrible to be too eventful also. Surprises are amazing. While thinking about it exhausts my energy. I can't live without writing, yet not without surprises. I realize it now. Finally I want a peaceful and free life, not too much disturbance and unspeakable underlying feelings. That's not for me. I'm kind of straightforward person. And I don't like people around me who can't make this clear. And I need to know a lot more now how to deal with people I come across, how to express and how to communicate. It's fairly important and really hard for me I think, all at once my life not being solitary any more but full of challenges. I'm never what others think I should be. I never make it a big deal facing the unexpected. It seems all those things happened or going to happen is within my imagination. I used to dream a lot and imagine whatever actually was not supposed to happen. But things happen anyway. I can't change that. But I know how to avoid yet I'd rather yield to my destiny, waiting and watching what's gonna happen, eventually. The outcome might often be disappointing while I can't help indulging in my fantasies for any little possible expectations. I'm still a dreaming girl, maybe. I thought I could dream anything that is possible to happen. This has come into reality, I can see now. Dreams do come true, but not necessarily in the prospective way, I might say. It feels good to prophesy, that's all. Well...I'd better not think too much again this time.

Yes. I saw a movie just now, called How to Make an American Quilt. It's a wonderful movie about love and marriage, from women's point of view. 6 old women, whose marriage all broke up, are sitting down there sewing a patchwork quilt for a young girl called Finn who's proposed. Finn (Wiona Ryder) is also a part of a broken family, who has long taken in her mother's doctrine of not to believe in marriage. I think the poet's words to Mariana best displays what's the movie going to convey.

Young lovers seek perfection.
Old lovers learn the art of sewing shreds together
and seeing beauty in a multiplicity of patches.

The final recover of Finn's parents ended the movie with a very unique but clear understanding which it's supposed to tell the audience that marriage is like a patchwork quilt. Though it's rugged and broken, it is still the place Where Love Resigned, just as the quilt's name. Though marriage would die, the initial wonder and happiness can linger on our mind forever.

Quotes:
-You'd regret what you've done.
-I'd regret for what I've missed.

-How nice it is to be unattached!

-It made me feel so special marrying a man like that.

Believe in love
And learn to forgive