2003-05-16 @ 1:32 a.m.

permanent mood:

I've just finished reading Hong Ying's novel "K". O~I never thought it has anything to do with Virginia Woolf. Actually it does. The main character is her nephew. And I never imagined Bloomsbury has any connection with China. In fact they had lots of connection. I was surprised by all these things! what I'm reading and exploring. I never thought a movie could bring me this far. All their legend and story, from their life, relationship and achievements, to English literature and research on them nowadays are revealing to me one after one. And I'm just unintentionally absorbed into this subject as if I have a paper to write. Actually I've never written any paper or done any research like this, heart and soul, out of principle. This may be what I like. Literature, unusualness, hysteric woman, profound novel, intellectual, elite, impressionism, experimental work, paintings, art, feminism, modernism, liberalism...and the development of society...and history! Today I've become a little bit interested in history that I hate so much before. I know history is important yet I know so little about it. I hope I still have chance to make up.

I have a feeling that I'm really overwhelmed by the information around me every day. Somebody calls it information explosion. I totally agree. Books on my desk are piled higher and higher; the newspaper and the magazines renew before my eyes can catch them. And the time, and my thought, I feel I'm always left behind and I can never stick to a fixed idea. How I want to stay in an empty room, with one book and read it through. I think I'm just getting lost before all the attractions. To match time with information, I do need a few methods.

Yesterday was the first time I talked about love with my new friend on line. It was terrific and challenging. I came to know I should face the problem very seriously now. Maybe I don't know about true love and I once loved for vanity (what she said scared me!), but now I have the opportunity to think it over. Let love concentrate without being narrow. Let love last without fainting. I should have known, I should have known, love is no game. And I should not spoil it and a true heart. I don't know, but I was really moved at last. I must thank her who taught me and cared for me so devotedly, although we have different background and understanding. However, for love, this big deal worldwide, we are the same. I just regret not having written this yesterday night, since I've missed some of the traces in my heart upon this issue.