2003-04-29 @ 0:11 a.m.

permanent mood:

I've just written a review of a Hong Kong movie: Hollywood Hong Kong in Chinese because it's in Cantonese. I've found myself like to use a language as is in the film. So I wrote it in Chinese. It's a mind-striking movie, humorous yet ironic. This is the first time I saw Fruit Chen's film, as I know he is a famous director in Hong Kong. He is really something, with a unique style of filming. The film tells us an unusual story in Hong Kong, which made me courageous after seeing that.

I've learnt that films often have an effect upon me. Now I feel brave and strong after seeing this although I don't think it's the main thing the story should tell us. I've been changed a little, anyway, at least at this moment. I feel I can face and handle anything. That's what film often gives me and what I like about films. My mental state can be completely changed which is often from depressed to fearless. The power of a film is immense, I should say. My interests, my behavior is part of a movie, maybe you can't imagine, I myself can't tell which one of me is more real. I'm probably the one who can be changed easily, including my personality, which I think is also changeable. I don't like my personality too much and maybe I'm finding and combining someone else's personality to imitate and develop. I once inquire a psychologist that if one's personality can be changed and she said yes, while one's temperament is inborn. So I still have chance to be a perfect type to my wish.:>

Today I went to my elementary school that I left about 10 years ago. It's really a long time since the last time I'd been there, but to my surprise, it doesn't change much! The road is still a narrow old shabby bystreet. I peeked through the door just to see the school building was still painted the old deep red and the playground was even smaller. My poor old school! Why there hasn't been a faintest change of you? For I had just stayed there for 3 years and didn't get any chance to come back and take a visit, it looked more like I abandoned it rather than it abandoned me. What made me feel even worse was that when I walked along the old way home, the old stone stairs, the old slopes and all the other things look exactly the same as 10 years ago! Even the big pigeon cage and the green door cellars were still the way I remember them. Sad, isn't it? As time is eating us bit by bit with very short teeth while we don't usually aware of it. Meanwhile, there were some changes, the sidewalk, the door guard and the restaurant around. I don't even remember which window was my home when I passed it. Yet there are still some memories that record the first 3-year I'd been here. Lucky me I still have those memories.

My trouble seems to ease up today, as I think it another way. Often when you look at things another way it's no longer a trouble. It's just my reconcilement maybe. I reconciled my sanity to some other's happiness, which may be more important at the moment.

There was a thunderstorm just now, as if it is the first heavy rain in this late spring? I can't remember, but I like this wet, wet, wet weather.