2003-04-30 @ 1:26 a.m.

permanent mood:

Amazing day today! I installed a programme on my website and it works! It can remind me with "beedu" when someone is visiting my site. It was functioning very well. And I can have a chat with the visitor if he clicks the Humanclick button. To my surprise, there really exists one who's reading my journals and express his (I think it's he) feelings to me. He said he was interested in my picturing the feeling towards love. I did write about love a lot recently because I've had trouble with it. I always have trouble with love, which is very depressing. He said he was an oversea student and he actually knew I am in Peking. I guess he's here, too. So...that'll be very interesting...I wanted to talk more but he cut off! Anywaz...I hope he'll come again.

I wrote several emails today. One was for a translator job at Seventeen, the other was for Annbaby. I want a part-time job terribly. I haven't ever had any job yet and I seem useless eating and sleeping at home and spending lots of money on disks and books. I think I should turn my talent to something real by any way. Or all I do all day long just floats in the air and never fruits. Fortunately I got some reply from an anonymous today and it really comforted me. So I know there is someone who's really reading it. I just want them to tell me all.

I often think about writing to Annbaby as she's someone really exists. No matter how unreal are she and her stories, she's one I haven't lost connection yet. She writes for some magazine I know. And I collect those magazines with her writings on. I treasured them, read them again and again. I remember there was a magazine called Writers having her novel on it, which I found in the school library. And it was the first time I saw her picture, a double-plate girl with a cunning smile. I liked that and the novel, which looked more real than fictional, recorded her life in Beijing. She took subway to work and so did I. I even figured out her route and tried to run across her at the subway station. She is a divine character in my mind, you know, as her books relieve me at any time I feel hurt while I'm growing older. Even when sometimes I don't read her books, I can feel she's there, watching me and taking care of me. I know, I know it by some way and she also knows me. That's called confiding potentially in her last saga novel. She knows it also. One day I ate at Pizza Hut discovering a woman like her so much, with blue jeans and sneakers, checked cotton shirt and gray sweater. She ordered a cup of hot water and particularly required they put a lemon slice in it. The whole meal I peered her at the table with a man talking something. I guess it was not her as I saw her entire face finally. She didn't look like the one in the picture. She looked older and less pretty. So I sighed with relief.

Is she reading it? *_^