2003-05-13 @ 2:54 a.m.

permanent mood:

Among my dreams, this is the clearest one in which a good friend of my childhood reentered into my life. In my dream, she looked like a lily, pale and silent. Yes, she'd changed a lot. When I caught her, she was on the stairs. I was asking a boy at the snack shop in campus where we can get free coke when she appeared. She was jumping down hurriedly so that I had to run to catch her. Here she was. She turned back after I called her name. She was in red? Black? This is not the detail I remember so clearly but some others-"like to get some coke?" She asked me. "Yeah, let's go together." I answered. She was holding her plastic mug and asking me if I had one. Yes, I had one in hand too, but it didn't have the bottom! It leaked. "It doesn't matter." I said. Then we went along the sidewalk together, talking. We were in a huge campus that was so beautiful. Everything was in order. The buildings, the roads...were all nice and new. It was almost dark so I didn't see her face distinctly. But I remember her voice, weak and lazy. We talked about things going on after we separated in these 6 years, her high school life and how she got into this college. She majored in science! Oh God! Is there a major called science? General science? No, I don't think so. I was myself in the dream, all was true about me. Then we got to the coke store. The salesman filled our cups. And the soymilk was on sale. It could be sold along with a bottle of coke. But it didn't interest me for I like neither of them. We still walked on. And she told me more. She said she suspended her schooling last semester. For what? I asked her but she seemed reluctant to tell. For affection or health? I questioned her again. Then she blushed. I guessed right. She was another one who broke the heart. Oh, my! Why people all around me are bothered by this? I was surprised and disappointed. How can one fasten on one's love that firm? I can't not imagine because I've already seen it through. It's a period of time of excitement and sweetness. When it's over, it's over. Everything has its own way to end and start. That's life. That's the way of life, nothing to cry for. Fragile girl, that's maybe why she looked that pale. At last, she said to me, she ended with her boyfriend completely, unlike me. Oh...did I tell her something? Does it mean something has been continued...oh...well.

I had this dream that have something to do with...? The dream as a wish-fulfillment? (from Freud). Actually, I bought his book Interpretation of Dreams today. It's in English and I found out later it was not originally written in English. Oh. It's a translated version still, which I think it's better than what is re-translated, at least I can read them together. I mean the Chinese version, I found it in my mom's shelf today, with Freud's Psychoanalysis, to my surprise. I gotta study them now. Haha. Now I know all his work is written in German. Oh, it's ok. Traum-that's dream in German. I've already learn some. Die Traumdeutung, that's the book I'm reading, of course not in German. ^.^

Recent buys:
The Picture of Dorian Gray-Oscar Wilde
To the Lighthouse-Virginia Woolf
Interpretation of Dreams-Sigmund Freud

I'll comment on that later!